Stop moaning. We love the weather


courtesy The Daily Mail

Where would we be without the weather? Is there any other country in the world which spends so much time discussing, measuring and joking about it? No wonder Danny Boyle’s Olympic opening ceremony will feature…clouds. Every newspaper has a set of stories and headlines prewritten which are recycled year after year. They are a mixture of ridiculous exaggeration, scare stories and gentle parody. Here is a set of phrases and words which can be applied like random fridge magnets to most tabloid front pages throughout the year:

  • Arctic conditions
  • Scorcher
  • Leaves on the Line/Wrong type of Snow
  • Hosepipe
  • Icy Grip
  • Cricket
  • Predicting a hot summer (every year but never happens)
  • ….Since 1946
  • Gulf Stream
  • Hotter than Athens/Malaga/Cairo (delete those not applicable)
  • Hurricane, tornado, monsoon, typhoon. (somehow storm, gale etc are no longer sufficient)
  • Britain is bracing itself…
  • Shortages of bread/Cider/strawberries and cream/holly/mistletoe (ditto)
  • Hail like golfballs (they never are. Subbuteo balls at best)
  • Standstill
  • Various flora and fauna appearing or disappearing early/late/in new places
  • El Niño/La Niña (forcing the typsetters to open the special box for foreign characters)
  • Drought
  • Wimbledon (becomes the focal point for the angst)
  • References to the Summer of 1976 or the winds of 1987

About justaukcook

/kʊk/ Not a chef, not an epicure, not a foodie. Just one who likes to prepare food – What really happens in the kitchen and on the high street is what I write about. Follow me on Twitter @Justaukcook and on
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