“Now Lewis” said Santa as they walked to the sleigh
“Are you certain your planning is ready today?”
Good question indeed for with gifts far and wide
One tiny mistake and there’s nowhere to hide.
But Lewis insisted, as they headed south-west
That five years of planning was up to the test.
The qualified elves had studied the maths,
They’d Googled the streets and the roads and the paths.
“Don’t worry, dear Lewis, it’ll all be ok”
They said and then started to shuffle away.
They first sensed the trouble with Ashbourne ahead
It wasn’t as lively as people had said
The regular cafe for sherry and pies
Was closed, leaving Lewis to look to the skies.
Why would this happen if no-one objected?
Did no-one complain to those they elected?
The car park was empty, quiet and damp
But wardens attacked Santa’s sleigh with a clamp!
Santa gave Lewis a glare of disdain
As they unloaded gifts in the cold and the rain.
The streets weren’t the same: the shops were reduced
Something had happened they quickly deduced
Where folk had a car but nowhere to park it
They had a Square car park where once was a market.
Onward they trudged to the sleeping estates
Dropping down chimneys and landing in grates.
The sacks became empty as evening progressed
And Santa and Lewis were ready to rest.
But when they looked up as the final one dropped
They saw just more houses where once they had stopped.
“Lewis” said Santa “who are the fools
Who build hundreds of houses without any schools?
and doctors, and flooding, there’s no need to rush!”
But Lewis looked downward concealing a blush.
“I’m sure there’s a plan” was all he could say
“I spoke to the experts in Lapland today”
Said Santa “These people in Ashbourne are better
Than jobsworths who only can work to the letter
If I want something doing, I’ll do it myself”
Then he turned on his heels for the good of his Elf
And here’s 2012’s effort: http://ashbournevoice.co.uk/2012/12/23/an-ashbourne-christmas-poem/